Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Why does life have to be so hard.....

Life seems to be so hard and I don't know if it has always been that way and just being younger I didn't realize it so much. I hate being a grown up sometimes. God has a plan and I have heard that a lot over the last several years. I beleive it, I really do. And no, that doesn't make it any easier. I have learned not to blame God for bad things that happen. He has done wonders in my life, just look at my wonderful husband, Owen and Abbie. I just have so many emotions going through my body and this time of year is so hard. Six years ago next month I married Duke, I can really say that he is my best friend in every sense of the word and in December the same 6 years ago we lost our first son. I was 33 weeks pregnant and I will never forget that week, day by day, minute by minute of what we went through. From the moment we found out, to labor and to his funeral. I still grieve him, there isn't a day that doesn't go by without him on my mind. I often look at Owen and wonder if this is what he would have looked like. I look at my cousins kids that were born around the same time and wonder if he would be just like them running and playing with each other. I will never blame God for what life has thrown at me. I decided then that I would instead thank him for letting me hold my son and to have two more healthy children to enjoy. Two weeks ago my family lost a grean man, my grandfather. He was buried next to Riley's grave. I had attempted several times to go there but could never bring myself to get out of the car. I knew that day that I had to, I needed the closure. It was so hard and I cried millions of tears that day, but I knew my grandpas helped get me threw it, knowing that they were there with him and that I needed to be strong for my other children. I will now be going back home this weekend for another funeral service, my family has lost another member. My dear uncle has gone to be with the Lord. I hate that my grandma has to bury her own child, for I know what that feels like. I pray for her, she is a strong Godly woman, and I know that she has strength beyond means. As I type this I have tears rolling down my face. I wonder if this is something to blog about, but sometimes, you just need to talk and someone to listen. After all, my blog is an online diary for me. I end this just asking for prayers for our family during this difficult time....

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4 comments:

  1. I am so sorry for both of your losses! Death is never easy but it is harder for us then them! They get to be happy with God and we are here grieving them! One day you will see both of them again!

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  2. Life is hard sometimes! Heaven is going to be so sweet one of these days! :) I will pray for your family!!

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  3. So sorry for all of your losses, lots of thoughts and prayers go out to your family. I lost my grandpa and uncle in the same months several years ago ... I know how hard it is. Stay strong

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  4. So sorry for your losses. Lots of thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

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